Wake Up, You Have a Loop

I was a caddy at the Country Club of Rochester for four summers. Over those four summers, I met some pretty great people and made a number of work related connections along the way.

While I can honestly say it's probably the most rewarding job I've ever had, I can't say that it was always fun.

Here's a day in the life of a caddy, told through the eyes of a pessimistic caddy and broken up with my own "caddy checkpoints."

"If I don't get up now, they will absolutely tee off without me"

This is the moment of truth, so to speak. Your group's tee time is at 8:00 a.m. and your alarm has been going off for 30 minutes. It's 7:33.

At this point, meeting your group on the driving range is no longer an option. Hell, brushing your teeth is no longer an option. Just grab the polo you wore yesterday and some half-decent shorts (hopefully there's leftover gum in the pockets) and be on your way.

Wait, you're still in bed?

That's when you sprint out of bed, perform the aforementioned process, and then try to turn a 20 minute drive into a ten minute one.

"Can you give me a ride out to the tee? Traffic was bad"

That's generally the first sentence out of your mouth following the obligatory apologies to your caddy master. Hopefully one of the younger bag room guys will answer your request.

Luckily, the bag room people are the same kids you were out with the night before, so they recognize your unfortunate state. And they hate working as much you do, which means they're happy to drive you out to the first tee in a cart.

"My name is Jeff Kay and I'll be your caddy today"

"But I'm not sure I'll be very helpful" is what you're really thinking. You shake each golfer's hand enthusiastically and pretend like there's no place you'd rather be.

After said handshakes, you're job as the forecaddy is to run down the fairway and watch their tee shots from afar. These four shots generally dictate how long you're going to be out on the course for. Here it goes.

Slice. Slice. Hook. Top.

It's going to be a long one.

"Hey it's already the fourth hole!"

You've officially surpassed the 15% mark. Your shoes are soaked from the morning dew and Bob has hit it in three consecutive bunkers. But you're on your way.

You sure are thirsty, though.

"Alice in Wonderland"

This usually happens around the 7th hole. Your imagination is absolutely running wild. You're planning out the rest of your day, promising to do everything you can't do right now.

These plans rarely get accomplished.

"I'll take a hot dog and a gatorade, thanks"

You're finally halfway and you're beginning to feel like maybe you can accomplish this job. Also, you can get food now.

Unless you're caddying for Judge Smails, your group will buy you lunch and a drink. Whatever you do, don't say no.

It's your duty as a caddy to at least take a little bit of the member's money.

"Why do I feel like this round is never going to end?"

This sentiment generally makes its way to the surface around the 14th or 15th hole. You feel like you've been out there all day but somehow the round continues.

This is also a point in the round where you're the most likely to zone out. Refrain from doing this, considering your pay check approaches.

"I had a lot of fun guys! I'll meet you by the bag drop"

The round is finally over. You're now shaking hands on the "other side."

Always indicate that you had a blast out there. Even if Bob single-handedly made you rake a bunker on every hole, it was still fun. The customer is always right.

"Hm. Maybe that wasn't so bad"

This is usually a concession that you make after every round. You realize that you just got paid handsomely for being outside and watching a sport you love for a few hours.

That's not so bad.

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